Survival of Family Parties and Other Things to Be Proud Of

This weekend was a party for my grandpa's 80th birthday, and it was quite an ordeal for everyone, especially my grandpa. I was annoyed at having to be social when I'm still not feeling great and getting over a lovely head cold and cough. It was nice to see some of my distant cousins from that side of the family though, since I hadn't seen a lot of them for several years. I didn't even know my cousin Nick had kids until now. He's got two of them, little girl named Sydney and a little boy named Cody. My great uncle Archie and auntie Olga just dote on those little ones. Family squabbling about the hassle of planning and cooking and whatnot, the party was nice, though I truly did consider it a survival game. I was so tired and cranky by the end of the day that I was more than happy to come home and collapse.

In other news, I finally got the official letter stating that I'm a fully certified instructor. Took a long time of waiting, but it's nice to be able to finally put the black collar on my uniform. Twelve years worth of work. I'm quite proud, and I can't wait to show up for class on Thursday and have my new collar on my uniform. I also received the official patches, with my name on them, that I can put on the breast pocket and lapels of the suit I can buy to wear at official ATA functions. Dunno how soon I'll be able to purchase it, since it's rather expensive, but it's not like I need it urgently either...I prefer to wear my uniform to testings and other functions anyway.

Third thing of note...Thursday is also the day of my consultation for my wisdom teeth extraction. I'm nervous about it, but it does mean a day off from work and a day to sleep in and spend some time with my mum. It's still nerve-wracking to think that they're going to cut open my gums and yank them out, but oh well. I'll survive.

I'm also working on my plans for the future, researching schools and saving money. Dad wants me to get a teaching certificate, though that won't really make a lot of difference to me in the long run, since I want to be a professor. I've gotten great recommendations from some friends, and I also am working to contact some professors and others who can help me decide on the right path.

Climbing Dreams and Struggles Toward the Future

So I had some really weird dreams last night that I don't think had anything to do with the prescription cough meds I've been taking for my cold. I won't go into crazy detail, but most of my dreams involved climbing or struggle, starting with the norm that I remembered and turning toward really bizarre twists. I gave a call to my campus minister, who is still a dear friend to me, and she gave me the theory (she's always been really good at dream interpretation) that my dreams had to do with my current struggles in life to move forward and get out of my current situation. I'm miserable in my job and I want to go back to school and feel like I'm progressing toward someting. I'm not quite there financially, though I'm definitely making progress, but Val made the point that if I don't do it now, financially ready or not, then in a couple of years I'm just going to be in the same spot and the only difference will be that I'll be older and it'll be that much harder to leave. She recommended I contact a few people for advice about how to go about choosing the right grad school for myself and how to work out paying for it. I've already sent emails to those people and with any luck I'll hear back from them soon and have some ground to start on. She also made the suggestion that dad is so vehemently opposed to me going not just because it will be an expense for him but because he and I are similar enough that he enjoys having me around and basically doesn't want me to leave. That makes a lot of sense, since we fought tooth and nail while I was in college, but once I came home we got along so much better. We still have our disagreements, but they aren't so drawn out and they get dropped so much more quickly. I love that thought, since dad and I have never quite gotten along, but at the same time, I don't want to stay here and feel like I'm stagnating. So this year is going to be devoted to research and applications for grad school, along with finding money to pay for it that won't put me into much further debt. I know my parents will help me, however grudgingly, with at least things like living expenses, even if I can handle school by myself, and I'm also more than willing to work at school to help myself out. I just want to feel like I'm going somewhere, and thanks to a pep talk, I think I'm on my way. Wish me luck, and any advice is welcome.

Wisdom Teeth

Well, it's official. I saw the dentist yesterday, and I'm on the list for wisdom tooth extraction. Turns out my two bottom teeth are impacted and have been pressing into the teeth in front of them, so they need to come out and soon. I dunno how soon they'll come out, but even though I'm glad to know about it, I'm also terrified to know that I have to go in for my first actual surgery. The idea of being knocked out and having no awareness during the whole procedure. More info to follow as I find out more details, but yeah, this is the first step.

Compassion

Maybe it's stupid of me, but I've always been this way. I always feel very deeply for my friends, both joys and sorrows, and it affects me to a level I probably shouldn't let it. Whenever a friend has something bad happen to them, I feel just as bad on their behalf as if I'd had it happen to me. My friends have always confided in me, and I've been happy to listen. I've been told that I'm a good listener, and it's one of the ways I try to be a good friend, but it comes with it's toll on me. I'm trying really hard lately to become unattached from the problems of the people I care about, but it's harder than it sounds. Somehow I do feel like if I don't feel bad for them the way I always have, I'm not caring like I should. On the other hand, as my mom said, letting myself get beat up about stuff that's not my fault and that I can't control makes me basically a doormat. Too many of my friends over the course of my life have used me as the punching bag to make themselves feel better, and I took it, because I thought a good friend should be there, but they were never there for me. I don't want to feel miserable like this, but I do still want to show I care. For me, at least, it's a hard balance to maintain. When I did my spiritual gifts inventory I found that I had the gift of compassion, which is to say that I care about people. I guess I have to use that gift and not let it use me. My best bet is just to keep my friends in my prayers. Whether they believe or not, God will take care of them in the way He sees best.

Mud Bogging and Drag Racing

This weekend, and really all summer, my dad has been racing his trucks in the mud bogs. I usually don't go with him, since it's a long, hot, dirty day, but he's very good at it. He's always been a winner and he's been competing for as long as I can remember. Even as a small child I remember going to races with my parents, watching my dad's trucks race and more often than not, win. Yesterday were the annual races here in Taos, and though dad didn't win, it was an enjoyable day. I got splattered with mud and mildly sunburned, but that's the fun of it. Pity that dad sold his truck, really, but that's what he does. He builds them, sells them, and builds some more. He's always been happiest when he's working on something new. Some racers complain that he must be cheating, because he's such a regular winner, but really, he works hard and knows what he's doing. He's been doing this for so many years that he has experience with what works the best and likes to experiment to try to make it even better. He even sometimes races a heavier truck than the others in his competition class, but he still beats them.

The other thing that I enjoy doing with my dad is drag racing. Not the actual racing, but watching the pros who race with nitro in the National Hot Rod Association. Every summer we go to the races up at Bandimere Stadium near Golden, CO. The last couple of races we've been in the sponsor tents, which is really nice, since there's a cool place to sit and eat that's not under the sun, since of course the races are very hot. In between rounds, we go into the pits, check out the merchandise, and try to catch our favorite drivers for a picture and an autograph. This year our favorite racing team, Team Pedregon, is doing very well, they're brothers, Cruz and Tony, and though they race for different sponsors, Advance Auto Parts and Q oil, they help each other and share information. They're in the top ten and if they can win their next few races they'll win the championship. We were doubly lucky this year to go to the races in Las Vegas as well, and I'm already looking forward to next year.

If We Were Playing Freeze Tag I'd Always Be Frozen...Thanks to Kate =P

3 Joys:
1. A book to fall asleep with
2. Really talking to someone who knows how to listen
3. Knowing that someone I worried about is alright

3 Fears
1. Depression
2. Hospitals
3. Not being in control

3 Goals
1. Get a Ph D
2. Get out of debt
3. Find someone I can be happy forever with

3 Current Obsessions:
1. Pokemon
2. Redwall
3. Facebook

3 Suprising Facts
1. There's a side of me that delights in chaos and destruction
2. I can read a 400 page book in a day, easily
3. Almost all of my best friends have been boys

i am: Angela
i know: That God won't throw anything at me that I can't handle, but sometimes I think He has more faith in me than I have in myself
i want: To be independent

i have: more books than shelf space
i wish: I wasn't alone

i hate: people who drive under the speed limit in the fast lane, especially when I'm running late
i miss: Being in school, where studying was the most important thing I had to worry about
i fear: chaos
i feel: glad it's Friday and I can sleep in late tomorrow
i hear: the fan humming...for once I have no distracting noise
i smell: nothing. Grandpa cut the hay and thanks to my allergies my nose is plugged up
i crave: Muddy Bears
i search: On google
i wonder: whether I'll ever find time to watch the anime I've been collecting for so long
i regret: not being more courageous when I traveled and missing some opportunities for the sake of feeling safe
i love: my mom's rolled tacos
i care: About my friends

i always: worry about the things I can't control
i am not: judgmental...or at least, I try not to be
i believe: God loves you, no matter how hard you try to resist Him
i dance: as little as possible...I have no sense of rhythm so dancing is more work than fun for me
i sing: in church, in the shower, and in the car, and occasionally hymns to help me fall asleep
i don’t always: forgive and forget like I should
i fight: with my sister, if we're together longer than a weekend
i write: when the muse descends.
i lose: my temper easily
i win: at Pokemon and at a lot of trivia games
i never: give up on my friends
i listen: to whatever strikes my mood at the time...oh, and I love audio books
i am scared: of being sick enough to need being in a hospital
i need: to be better about saving my money
i am happy about: having people to talk to
i tag: anyone who reads this and wants to play

Finally Got My TKD Pics!

Ok, I really don't have a lot to say, but here we go, gotta post these pics. I've been waiting ages to get them. The last time I got pics taken for TKD was about five years ago, when I was only a 2nd degree or so, and when I was still a junior trainee instructor with the goofy red-white-and blue collar. I've come a long way since then. And now, in a few weeks I'll be able to put on my black collar, as a fully certified instructor, capable of opening and owning my own school should I desire to do so. 12 years in the making, and worth every second, even the busted knee and shot wrists. TKD has shaped who I am and who I want to be.