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I guess this is a kind of serious topic for a blog with "fantasy" in the title. It's just something that I see more and more of, and that I'm finding is a real problem in our society. The problem of tolerance. I just read an article in People magazine, about a transgendered man who is having a baby. It frustrates me that such a thing actually is such a big deal that it makes news. In the end, what I see is a couple who are having a child, regardless of the details. The same goes for homosexual couples who want children. Children need families and parents who love them, and the gender or orientation of the parents shouldn't be a deciding factor. My dad accuses me of being too idealistic, but in my opinion it certainly wouldn't hurt anything for this society to be more tolerant. It infuriates me that society dictates appropriate gender behavior to a point where your clothes might be the deciding factor in a job interview and a child could be taken away from parents who love it because society disagrees with some concept of the family as "nontraditional". I've seen a lot of my friends who are gay or otherwise seen as "different" by society hurt at the hands of people who treat them like freaks or inferior beings just because they're afraid of the difference. I'm not perfect about this in any sense, but I've tried to be tolerant. I want people to know that they can feel safe and not like they're being judged by me with regards to their sexuality, their religion, or their choices. I may or may not agree with them, but it's not my place to tell them that their choices are right or wrong, and they should have the freedom to act on them without worrying about what people will think, as long as they're not hurting themselves or others or trying to force their beliefs.
Society is run by ads telling us what's ok, what we should look like or eat or do or think. Barbie tells us what beautiful looks like, commercials for makeup and weight loss tell us that we have to wear masks and be thin to be liked. If you don't like the latest music or the latest fashion or political cause or new toy, people laugh. I hate fashion and makeup in particular. I've been a tomboy my whole life, and as far as clothes are concerned I prefer practicality and comfort over whatever society tells me is fashionable. In the sense of society I almost wish a lot of the time I were a boy, because their clothing for the most part is so much more practical. I don't understand why beauty for women is dictated by clothing that is so uncomfortable and restricts movement to the point where all you can do is sit and wince. Heels are not only impractical but downright painful, pantyhose are a nuisance, and makeup may as well just be replaced by a mask to cover your face so that we can all look the same. We cover ourselves and strap ourselves and shape ourselves and paint ourselves until we look downright unnatural, and then call it beauty. I don't mind looking professional for a job, but I don't think I should have to wear tight, uncomfortable clothing just to make a good impression. I feel like if a suit and tie is good enough for a guy it should be good enough for a girl without the heels or the pantyhose, and if a guy likes to wear things like skirts and blouses and even makeup, he should be able to do so without society making a scene and asking him what's wrong with him. No one is less of a man or a woman because of what they wear or like or think or do. Men can be nurses or stay at home with their children and women can be wrestlers and construction workers, and still be beautiful, normal contributors to our society.
More on this subject later, since there are so many facets to discuss, but I had this on my mind and wanted to talk about it.
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3 comments:
My opinion is this, first, when I feel like someone is being intolerant, I point it out. I don't tell them they are wrong or right or whatever, I just ask them if they realize what they are saying is racial or sexist or whatever. I ask people not to us the word gay derogatorily or use the word bitch around me ever.
Secondly, I try not to empower or participate in publications or groups that aren't tolerant in a way I am comfortable with.
I have decided that is the way I deal with intolerant or insensitive people. I am not going to argue with them, I am not going to lecture them, or force my point of view on them. I will not listen to the impractically being "idealistic," somebody has to be or we will go backwards. I like to imagine the world the way I want it to be not the way I fear it is.
Ha how is that for not giving my opinion? In other words, you have my full support for being idealistic and I thank you very much for making us aware of the intolerance in common publications where people pass it off as "normal" and "pop culture." One might argue that People magazine might be "normalizing" transgendered-ness to "main stream media" as an acceptable topic of discussion. I don't know I haven't read the magazine article.
You said a lot of the things that I didn't, but that I was definitely thinking about, and I didn't even touch on the little things I think about with respect to racism or sexism that I had planned on. I agree with you that it's not our right to impose our opinions on someone else, but it is our job to educate people, especially young people, to see the world more openly. I want my future children to be able to discuss anything or feel comfortable with anyone they meet regardless of society.
I was pleased that People did bring up the article in a neutral way, leaving no impression of judgment and showing both positive and negative reactions to the pregnancy. It makes me hope that things like transgendering, which, while I don't consider it "right", is within the rights of any individual who feels it necessary for a happy, healthy life, will become less taboo and less outside the norm. I was talking to a very dear friend of mine whom I've known for years, and he remarked quite casually that I was one of the most open-minded and tolerant people he knew, which surprised me. I want to be that way, but I didn't realize it was so evident to others. I'm pleased that he noticed, so that maybe I can be an example to others that it's not hard to accept people. I've never found it so, and I wonder why others seem so intent on alienating anything that's different. I do hope this discussion continues, and that some other opinions come in.
I like this post. Though you could peg me as fairly conservative in most ways I greatly value the concept of tolerance.
One way you could look at the People article is that the fact that such things make the news is a step in a tolerant direction, given, as you point out, the neutral treatment of the subject especially since humankind as a whole tends to be naturally intolerant.
The thing about telling people whether their choices are right or wrong is something I keep thinking about. I agree that it's not my job to go around telling people what they should or shouldn't do, and I don't think anyone is inferior to me, and I don't try to force my beliefs on anyone else.
However, conflicts inevitably arise between one's own belief system and that of others. I think that 99% of the time we can work around those conflicts, but what happens when we try to enact law & policy in accordance with any set of beliefs? They say you can't legislate morality, and I agree with that to a certain extent, but all beliefs are founded in a morality of some sort.
And it's all relative, unless you believe there is absolute truth. Yesterday's tolerance can be today's intolerance and vice versa and ultimately there will be something one doesn't tolerate. Today's villains include (but are not limited to) abusive people, sexual predators, male chauvinists, racists/bigots, etc. It's easy to define intolerance as something that can't abide the existence or presence of another thing, but if you stretch that to its limits, in includes many things that are otherwise "good."
I see the mortal Christ as an interesting example of this dichotomy. In the biblical account you virtually never see him condemn anyone except the Pharisees, who were the ultimate example of hypocrisy and intolerance. And so we could possibly say that it's not our place to judge, that we should leave it to a higher, more perfect authority (whatever that may be), and let that define tolerance.
I'm going somewhere with this, but I'm not sure where it is yet. Not trying to be preachy, just exploring my thoughts...
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