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So I had some really weird dreams last night that I don't think had anything to do with the prescription cough meds I've been taking for my cold. I won't go into crazy detail, but most of my dreams involved climbing or struggle, starting with the norm that I remembered and turning toward really bizarre twists. I gave a call to my campus minister, who is still a dear friend to me, and she gave me the theory (she's always been really good at dream interpretation) that my dreams had to do with my current struggles in life to move forward and get out of my current situation. I'm miserable in my job and I want to go back to school and feel like I'm progressing toward someting. I'm not quite there financially, though I'm definitely making progress, but Val made the point that if I don't do it now, financially ready or not, then in a couple of years I'm just going to be in the same spot and the only difference will be that I'll be older and it'll be that much harder to leave. She recommended I contact a few people for advice about how to go about choosing the right grad school for myself and how to work out paying for it. I've already sent emails to those people and with any luck I'll hear back from them soon and have some ground to start on. She also made the suggestion that dad is so vehemently opposed to me going not just because it will be an expense for him but because he and I are similar enough that he enjoys having me around and basically doesn't want me to leave. That makes a lot of sense, since we fought tooth and nail while I was in college, but once I came home we got along so much better. We still have our disagreements, but they aren't so drawn out and they get dropped so much more quickly. I love that thought, since dad and I have never quite gotten along, but at the same time, I don't want to stay here and feel like I'm stagnating. So this year is going to be devoted to research and applications for grad school, along with finding money to pay for it that won't put me into much further debt. I know my parents will help me, however grudgingly, with at least things like living expenses, even if I can handle school by myself, and I'm also more than willing to work at school to help myself out. I just want to feel like I'm going somewhere, and thanks to a pep talk, I think I'm on my way. Wish me luck, and any advice is welcome.
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3 comments:
I like that analogy with your dream. I'd like to have cool dreams that actually mean something. :)
You're going to do great things in your life. You already have and you'll get to that point where you feel like you are again. I'm glad you've got a plan of action. I hope things come together for you!
While the idea of taking on debt for education doesn't seem very attractive, it doesn't look so bad once you have a manageable plan in place, and as you mentioned there are ways of doing it without having to take out a loan for the whole thing. In my case law school student loan payments have turned out to be really not bad at all - granted, tuition was a fraction of the national average due to church subsidies. Anyway, I think you'll discover all the effort you are making now will be worth it in the end.
Thanks for encouragement you guys. I've needed it lately, I'm feeling stagnated again, and I just need to get out of here. I'm working to find the right way to go about this, and any advice is welcome.
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