I Hate My Job So Much...*sigh*

I know this is going to sound like a lot of whining, but I need to get it out. I hate my job. I really do. It's not that I hate working, or even really the work I'm doing, I hate the atmosphere at work, the way the company treats us, and the way we're expected to treat the customers. It's not big things, not like, lawsuit worthy, but I really don't like it. The company is making all sorts of little demands that just make the job that much more stressful, when it's already really stressful to begin with. I work at a call center, for a mortgage company, and my responsibilities include taking calls and answering questions, and also taking payments. I wouldn't mind this too much if it wasn't so consistently hectic. We have less than 30 seconds between calls, and we're expected to thoroughly notate the account before moving on to the other call, so we end up putting people on hold, for which they chew us out if we leave them more than a few seconds. Plus, aside from our usual clocking in and out on our time cards, our time is monitored by the phone, so that we have to cut all our breaks short to make sure we can sign back into those on time. We were encouraged by our trainers to help one another, but we're not supposed to stand up, so that doesn't work too well. When we're not sure of something, our lead and our supervisor are supposed to be walking around helping us, but half the time the lead is supposed to be on the phone too, and our supervisor is always busy at her desk, so we end up keeping people waiting for ever while we wait to get help, since we're not supposed to get up and ask. They monitor all our calls and critique us on everything, and they try to encourage us to collect as much money as possible by getting us to compete for a prize at the end of the month for the highest collections. I hate asking people for money in general, and these people are usually cranky enough since it's money they don't have, especially with the way the market is looking right now. I'm also really not pleased with my supervisor. She's lying to us, pretty much, and making false promises. When we were first transferred to working for this company, she told me that she was considering me for the position of lead for the next training team. Turns out she promised that to three of us. And despite her promise, two of us aren't even eligible for the position anyway since we haven't been there six months, which she neglected to mention. And she keeps imposing all these little stupid mandatory rules, like having to take notes on every call with the notepad on the computer, even though some of us prefer using a pen and notepad instead. And the company keeps demanding us to work overtime because they're understaffed. I can't take much more of this, really I can't. I come home every night more mentally and physically exhausted than I've ever felt at any other job, and I wake up every day dreading work. It's not at all that I don't want to work, I want to be busy and I want to be managing my own finances instead of being dependent on my parents, but I don't want to be working a job that makes me feel this miserable. My dad thinks I'm copping out when I say stuff like this, that work isn't supposed to be easy. I'm not asking for it to be easy, but I'm gonna wind up with an ulcer if this continues. I'm looking as much as I can for another job, but in this small town there's not a lot to find. I just don't know what to do anymore. And I know I'm not the only one who feels this way either, a lot of my coworkers are complaining the same way. If it was just me I could see why my dad would say I was copping out, but almost all of us have our complaints. I know no matter what I do I won't get fired, because they need the people on the program, but I don't know how much longer I'll stay in this job, even if it means being unemployed again. all I want right now is to be back in school and working in something that really makes me happy.

Film Retreat and my Birthday!

This weekend I went on our annual retreat to our Baca campus with my school church group. I can't begin to explain how much better I feel, spiritually and just in general. I got to spend time with my friends, and was welcomed back into the group as though I'd never left, which was a wonderful feeling all by itself. Our retreat focus this year was the Mass. I've gone to Mass my whole life, but going through it in all the parts and learning more and delving deeply into the essence of it and the changes that have been made since Vatican II. We got to color velvet crosses, and Ben and I worked together on two of them instead of doing them individually. He's a sweetheart, and he was a big reminder why I miss hanging out in this group. I also got a chance to meet the newer members of our community. I especially enjoyed having a long talk with Dan about being a graduate and still feeling comfortable and welcome, and like I needed to be part of a community, and it was even nicer to know that I'm not the only one. Don't get me wrong, I love going to church with my grandpa, but it's harder to feel part of a community when you don't really interact or even relate to most of the people there. Also, we went to the monastery in Crestone and experienced compline, which is evening prayer, and Benediction, which is exposition of the Blessed Sacrament and adoration. So amazing, I'd never been to such a thing before. One of the best parts of the retreat happened after that though. We pulled out the hymn books and Kevin brought out his guitar and we got to sing! I'm not great at singing by any means, but it's always been one of my favorite, most moving parts of any kind of worship. There was a large emphasis on the parts of the Mass that involve music, and it just felt so good to sing. I can actually sing quite well, or so it feels like, when I have someone to follow, and Lena was kind enough to indulge me. Then we went back to our townhouse and played Mafia, where I quickly relearned the game, learned that I'm good at being in the Mafia because I know how to bluff, and then was killed immediately in the last round. This morning came with another craft project, sort of. We made our own low-tech zen rock gardens with salt, glass stones, forks, and interlocking plastic plates. It's so relaxing to play with something so simple and reflect on the message of the day. I wish I had a schedule where I could go to daily Mass and participate in the activities that the community has always done that I love. Belltower prayer, lexio, dinner and discussion, and of course our evening Mass every Sunday. It's just frustrating that I can't be there with that feeling of belonging. I want to go back up there, as soon as I can.

The other noteworthy thing about today is that it's my 24th birthday. I was glad to spend it with my friends, and even more glad that my family and all the friends I didn't get to see made a point of calling or messaging me to say Happy Birthday. I didn't expect any major recognition, but I'm glad I got it. It's always nice to feel loved. I don't care so much about the gifts, since there's not a lot I really want right now, but I did get asked what I wanted, and I expect some birthday cards in the mail this week, as well as some packages. 24 isn't a bad age to be, though I feel like I want to be further along in my life right now. Just some more incentive to save my money and go back to school. Happy Birthday to me, at any rate.

Someone Special

Now that I've stopped being lazy and finally uploaded my Christmas pictures, I can finally share the ones of someone really special in my life: my godson. Lucas is five years old, and although he was an unexpected surprise in our family, he's really special to all of us, because we recognize how lucky we are to have him. I was so honored when my cousin asked me to baptize him, and my uncle and I worked hard to pick his middle name, which ended up being Alejandro. I love spending time with him and playing with him and talking to him about how his life is. He loves cars, trains, and basically anything with wheels, is a very typical, active, lively little boy, and very bright. He has a mechanical mind and likes to figure out how things work. Until recently his life revolved around Thomas the Tank Engine, but now he's getting into Cars, Spiderman, Hotwheels, and fourwheelers. He's also in pre-K and learning how to read, and I want to encourage him as much as I can. Books are something I will never deny buying for a child, especially him. I also want to do the best I can to set a good example and teach him spiritually, since that's what I agreed to do when I agreed to be his godmother. I want him to grow up knowing and loving God, and knowing that God loves him too. I was so happy when I was in Japan to hear from my aunt that his nightly prayers, immediately following his bedtime story, included "...and please take care of my nina far away in Japan." Not that he knows where or what Japan is, but I brought him back a Japanese picture dictionary, and he was thrilled to hear and learn words in Japanese. I was excited about that, though we'll see how long the interest sticks. A five-year-old attention span is pretty variable. Anyway, also wanted to share some pictures of him from Christmas. I really do love him.

The End of Training, Birthdays, and Retreat

So yeah...this week marks the end of training for the new program at my job and hopefully the end of my desire to strangle my coworkers with piano wire. I dunno if it's just me, but when I'm surrounded by stupid, inane people who gossip and giggle through the day I get really frustrated with the state of the world. So many people who don't seem to use their brains in the slightest should probably create some kind of vacuum that would destroy the world, if there was any justice. One of many reasons I miss school. I miss the intellectual atmosphere instead of gossip about who is sleeping with who and who said what to who and whose kid did what. A lot of these girls are the ones who either had kids in high school or immediately after high school and never left, so the mentality to me is very closed. I'm making it my goal to get rid of my bills and save up to go to school as quickly as possible. With any luck, if my plans go right, I want to go to Oxford. In the meantime though, expenses pile up. This month is heavy on birthdays, my mum, my sister, and my grandpa, not to mention a few friends. I just ordered a flower arrangement for mum (split cost with my sister) and a very expensive birthday present for my sister. For spending $164 on her, she better get me something cool. But I also know I'll get money for my birthday. Nothing major that I want, some new books, so I'll have plenty saved. My rule is that once it goes into the Savings account, unless it's really a desperate case, like bills, it doesn't get touched.

I'm also glad I have somewhere to go for my birthday this year. I don't have a lot of friends left here at home, so aside from my family, who I love, I wouldn't get to hang out much with people my own age. But thankfully there was an open spot for our school Catholic community retreat, so I can drive up there to spend the weekend with my friends. I miss feeling a part of a community, as I mentioned before, but if I were to go back up to the Springs I would probably feel just as at home going to St. Mary's as I would going to Shove. I'm also looking forward to our retreat topic, since we're discussing the Mass, and it should be fairly low-key. Very relaxing.
Oh yeah...and I'm very annoyed with the post office. Second time they've sent back my friend's Christmas gift, and this time it was damaged. If it survives, it'll be a miracle if he gets it in time for his birthday in June, and even more so if it's in one piece. This time, when I send it again, I'm using UPS. Screw the post office if they can't even deliver a simple little package after two tries.

Voting Confusion and Snow

Hmm...I had an interesting day. Skipped work because the snow was frankly nasty and by a lucky coincidence, was able to vote in the caucus since I wasn't at work. If I'd gone to work today I wouldn't have gotten off work and TKD until 7:30 or so, and wouldn't have made it to vote. I got teased unmercifully by my dad and uncles and pretty much told off by my grandfather for my voting choice, but I'm pretty certain I made the right choice for the candidate who will best address the issues that concern me most. I was actually very confused by the whole thing, since no one ever explained to me how a lot of this works. I'm not a big fan of politics in general, so I'm not exactly the best person to ask for advice, but I know enough to make a coherent decision, I think. I was more confused about things like how often one would have to register to vote. I did when I turned 18, with no question, and voted by absentee ballot through college, but wasn't sure if I had to like, re-register or something, so I was quite relieved to know that I was still registered in our district when I went tonight. Maybe this is one of the things I fell asleep for in US Government, but really, young voters should be educated on the process so they aren't as confused as I am. I'm also really realizing now the political differences in viewpoint between myself and the majority of my family. Every so often I hear them make comments that make me cringe...not that they're naive or anything, but they say things that show me they're somewhat narrow-minded. I've always been the most liberal of my family, but it still hurts to hear them say things like that sometimes. My sister is their little pet, she says what they want to hear, but I always preferred to think for myself.

First Blog

So...first post with my new blog. This is just a test run, so I won't do much more than talk about my weekend, but I had a good one. Went up to C. Springs to see my friends, and I had a great time. I missed being able to hang out with people my age who have my same interests. I went shopping and spent more money than I should have, but got some fun stuff. Mostly anime swag, but some new books too, as if I could resist with a B&N in the vicinity. Also saw a movie with my friends, The Bucket List, which was excellent. Highly recommend it. One of very few films I've ever seen where it made me cry but I left feeling just about joyful. Speaking of joyful, I also got to go to church at St. Mary's Cathedral, which, while not the same as Mass at Shove Chapel with all my school friends, was highly enjoyable. I don't know how exactly to explain it, but it feels more...accessible there, like I can actually be part of the community and feel welcome. Here at home, it's like...a hierarchy, with a group of people doing things because they always have, and they're so set in their rut that they get resentful about anyone stepping in and suggesting any changes. I almost feel intimidated by the church at home. Might be because all the people in charge are the ones who have known me and my parents since we were young, and who at some point in my life scolded me about something or other. I guess I feel like in most of their eyes I'm just a nosy kid still. Oh well. I got to see some of my friends from church too, and that was really a warm feeling, getting to talk with them and hear all the news about my friends.

In fantasy news, hence the title of the blog, I'm rereading my old favorite Terry Pratchett, and delving deeper into the world of Brian Jacques' Redwall books. I've been in a British mood for a while, ever since I had the idea for getting my Masters at Oxford. I'm also listening to Harry Potter in the car now that daddy put in my new CD player...somehow that never gets old. Jim Dale is amazing. I've also been on quite the Pokemon kick lately...I know that doesn't quite measure up to literary fantasy, but I've always enjoyed it, and now I've officially collected all of Indigo League season 1...Johto League is next, hopefully. These 4Kids episodes are so cheesy, but still fun. I feel like such a dork, but a happy dork.